I want to mother filial

 Fellow! I do not know God Why should I come to this world? But I do know that I'm very hated it. I hate it let me become a man, a crippled man, a day to be alone and lonely haunted person. as people like me, do not ordinary people, their responsibilities and obligations as a half dead living dead. In short, I hate God, it was too heartless. Having said that, some fellow that asked: .
I was born in the spring of 1989, as I am is a parent's first child is a boy, so in our rural areas, driven by patriarchal ideology, my birth is no doubt thrilled the whole to all the people. my mother talked to me in my full moon, in the family also had a large banquet to celebrate my full moon. However, as I grew up, in about one year old when my parents occasionally found in my back had a small lump uplift, then, the parents realized that I was not a normal child. when I nearly two years old, I learned to walk, parents find kids and I think more than normal , stumble a bit when walking, not very agile. As I grew older, my back is also slowly growing lump. In the time I was six, my mother sent me to school, since to school, I gradually awakening to me and other people's different.
before I was not in school, in the warm embrace of family, in the mother's meticulous care, I am torn on their own and do not feel anything bad. But when I step into the school day, I found out I was so unfortunate. remember the first time into the school, students out of curiosity, to come around me, all the students are talking about, and some daring , also set off my jacket, the knot in my back exposed in broad daylight, I was really very angry! Why am I different from the others? Am I to be bullied by others? This is my new life start? I Liushenwuzhu, I was so frightened that I'd rather die.
Fortunately, time is the best medicine, after about half a year in school life, the students were gradually reduced discrimination against me, I gradually adapted to school life. Of course, since I congenital reasons, I learned to walk since faltered since, if the run, less than a meter on the gas called on Chuanchuan. I remember running up in the morning every day in the school parade, the general run for ten minutes about ten minutes for a normal student ----- is nothing to be for me, just as God's punishment for me, fell a few times every time. So, my daily are looking forward to God to rain, because rain can not Chucao, may reduce the time penalty. Therefore, some students see me walking and running fall limp when people still laugh at me, but first came to much better than when the school.
If we say that God unfair to me that I have slowly accepted. However, it has to wait for me I set it to gradually adapt to the special circumstances of the time, in my live the input, when suddenly my legs of disability. It is so ruthless, so quickly, let me off guard. I was a heavy blow to God again.
2002 One day in, I felt walking legs heavier than ever, even more staggering pace until the final only to walk, leaning on the wall. parents found out, my legs growing out, no way, could not see me like this, then, the parents decided to take me to see a doctor. However, a doctor is a need to spend money, ah! where handling money and it? for a family of farmers, to say the least, the family lack most is money. there is no way for me only to the East by the West scrape together the final total of eight thousand dollars to get a doctor for me. I know very well that the family, for my doctor, has been heavily in debt. But think of all the pain since I was born may disappear when I could think of the near future to become a normal person, when the end days of lofty thought, when my heart but has a hint of excitement.
we first inside the city, the doctor said I need to move too much surgery , and to go to the province, or even to go to Beijing for treatment. So, my father took me to another province, the results of the province's doctors said; grasp of surgery here is not large, it is best to Beijing, Shanghai, these medical more advanced equipment, a large hospital would be better. Finally, my father took me to the Beijing Union Medical College Hospital. by a medical examination, the doctor said my spine disease is a congenital scoliosis, the spine deformation of the upper body leading to the oppression of living in the leg nerve, so that is not in, to undergo an operation, they must have to move the body. father asked: then said: How long? , the family was poor, with a total of only eight thousand yuan. earnest in the house his father said to me: become a normal person does not necessarily too! certainly be able to cure, I can run fast, to where I will no longer be afraid of how others see how I said that I had. However, I never imagined, and I look forward to even better things will be in the water Flower in the Mirror, is so elusive. However, the situation at home which I know ah, I know his father best. she spoke to my eyes moist, and I can not help saying: ! right, then, is that my legs can not walk, then God as being deprived of all right to life. I was born to misfortune, and now even more tragic, is this is my sin? Do let God I became the world's most unfortunate people do?
just returned home for some time, I'm very lonely! over time, I suddenly found my life has no meaning. sometimes can not sleep at night is often cranky: why the other people are pursuing their dreams and happiness, the struggle for the ideals and efforts, fighting hard for happiness with. And I have to waste degrees rest of his life, suffering loneliness and boredom, ever since this was the rest of his life, and thus been time to swallow a mouth. I can not be reconciled to so naked but naked, and I really can not be reconciled. For a moment I even God the world is full of anger and disgust, I think it is too unfair, we all come to earth man, why give someone a full body, and give me an incomplete? I once superstition that is my previous life done wicked things, so, the old days I to this world suffer. But, ah God! Even if I do something bad previous life, you can trust my life with a low-level thinking skills generated animal ah! Why do I have a brain thinking ability of ordinary people and not practice power? so, it is not the same as living like an animal. who is born, regardless of disability or disability, are bound to play an appropriate role, do not play the appropriate role of the corresponding duties and obligations, this can truly be said The greatest pain thing! An old man can not make it, friends have faith in those who conceived of the few; betrayed the parents, relatives and friends, and even the state and society; family friendship and love of life not stretch; What a painful thing ah! Of course, I also look forward to a better life, I would like to take their own responsibility, I also have the desire, but to make their desire a reality that, for me personally, like the sky-like difficulties; ideal is the siege of the reality, life was shrouded in darkness, fail to realize their own value, do not see a trace of light. God, ah, You're a vicious! so that I can think of normal operations but not normal, I Zhou in suffering loneliness, I like behind bars, is this all I should be? I could not even lower the beasts are not eligible to Takumi? I doing something wrong in the end last generation thing ah?
tell the truth Sometimes I am really weary, because I find that people are busy all have something to do, and the organic combination of the world and become part of society for themselves in the role of life to make a corresponding responsibilities and obligations for the development of society doing their own contribution to taste the ups and downs of this world, experiencing the joys and sorrows of life, to leave his mark on the world. And I, have to be a person alone in a wheelchair , the passage of my youth, my days went really fast busy suffocating, static and fast people die. I seem to have isolated, and living in a small space, can only moved a wheelchair to the lonely sit down the front door every day life of living repetitive, seems dull and not new. I have a wheelchair for seven years, seven years my memories are blank, I am in the land of the chase, the feeling of running and playing time have been feeling fuzzy, I can only use their own imagination and dusty memories to remember, people want to feel the legs and the feeling of contact with the earth. Time flies, I gave the world what is left ? I can only rely on their parents every day, eating dinner my parents do, breathe the air, consuming life, waiting for death to come. so what is the significance of life? I am really want to live.
in this world and I am most worried about is the guilt of my mother. My mother gave birth to nine months of pregnancy, devoted themselves to support me, and I have no way to repay her. mother is my sun, leave her, I will not survive a moment. every time they eat the rest of the bun, too hard I feel uncomfortable, do not want to eat, his mother always gave me the new branding, while they chew on it the rest of the hard, she smiled and said to me: . mother ah! you gave me a good name, called TELECOMMUNICATIONS. means: mother ah! this year I was 20 years old, childhood playmates, now all grown up, and all go their own way, some in school, some to the army, some of them have married, they are in pursuit of their own dreams, to find his own happiness, I am the only one living alone, have to need your care and concern. Mother, I know because my incomplete, neighbors and friends in the neighborhood you are in front of the number of suppressed I always was a piece of your heart. neighbors than you are lucky, because they do not have a disabled son, and you are no matter to where I always have such a son. mother, ah, someone's parents to the old, but also can count on their children, and you to the old how to do it! who you depend on who you expect? Perhaps, by then, you not only can not the same as other parents and enjoy their grandchildren, but also for my livelihood worry, for my life to worry about. mother ah, I grew up feeding you, and you do not get any returns, so you must be very painful to live it! mother, ah, I solemnly swear to: that wet behind the ears to repay your kindness arrangement, then I hope you will allow me to repay their parents in this life of grace! If you have something to do with the exchange, then, I like to use my age, I would die the same day and mother, but only You can make me self-reliant, so I can fulfill their filial duties for the mother.
I know the desire to achieve the above, the light is not expected to God, because it makes me sad too, and I fear lest once again broke my heart . my God no way, no one to turn people and land, and only hope thirteen hundred million compatriots in the hope of state and government, want to help my fellow citizens, my finger Ming Road, wants the state and the government help me, so I was able to fulfill their filial duties for the mother. This year is the 60th anniversary, I think, and now our country are rich, the government increasingly concerned about the disabled, and I think I catch a good time, if even the thirteen hundred million compatriots can not help me, that I was destined to be a death sentence by God! That's all I can moan and groan alone, alone, the heavens and the fate of resentment, and can only hope to repay the parents of the next life.